Tag Archive: Christanity

Grace Freed a Son

past June I realized it has been 5 years from the day the day I received Jesus Christ as my Lord and personal Savior. June 13, 2008 my name was written in The Lamb’s Book of Life! Blessed be His name! I got to admit I didn’t know what to expect even as a son of an evangelist my beloved mother who went to be with the Lord May 21, 2010. I was skeptical because most people I had met who were saved seemed very unhappy, bitter, and angry. They always had a bad take on life and things pertaining to God even though they tried to fix it up on Sunday mornings. The most joyous time in heaven is when a child of God comes home in the Beloved of Jesus Christ. I sure was very excited and after my Baptismal on August 19 of the same year I was on fire for God. I promised Him I will love Him with all my heart, soul, and mind. I thought the whole world would rejoice with me as well. Surely I was so naive to think of a notion. The first three months were absolutely total bliss. I really enjoyed been a Christian. I was smiling always and I felt like heaven was with me everywhere I went. Then all of suddenly it seemed like I was isolated or heaven left me behind. Temptations started to come from all directions family, friends, school, and job. I was like what’s happening??!! I am a Christian don’t these people know that! How could they use such vulgar language around me like it wasn’t anything!  I was furious don’t they know who I am I recalled telling myself!  What sinners they are I said secretly within of course! Silent judgment I learned at the local church I was attending it means not to care enough to pray or offer any assistance just judge and go on. I was been taught everyone who sinned chooses to. They are just bad people and you shouldn’t have any compassion towards them. I mind you my mom didn’t teach me that. I thought I will join the popular church in the city that’s where I learned that and the introduction to the Law and only the Law of God. After I heard a teaching on God’s Holy Commandments I felt better than anyone in the world. The leaders of the church bragged on me how good, holy and righteous I was because I didn’t associate with known sinners! So happened after my conversion I sinned, had weaknesses, oh my… what nobody told me this would happen! I remembered hearing that all sinners just choose to be sinners no matter what! Now the church I was attended told me it was my fault that I failed with my walk with God. They persisted to tell me The Great Ten Commandments as I listened to them I realized that I had broken every last one of them from #1 – #10 ALL. They went on to tell me I didn’t love the Lord enough. I was stunned just a few weeks ago I was told I how righteous and holy I was now to be told you don’t love God at all! Oh I was very hurt by that statement. It felt like a knife piercing through my soul at that very moment because deep inside I truly love God didn’t know why these temptations came all of my weaknesses and sin that easily besotted me. You shall repent they told me and confessed the sins. So I did that in their presence and left. Something strange started to happen the more I repented and confessed the sins the more I kept sinning!! Don’t get me wrong confession is good for you, but you shouldn’t confess all your shortcomings more than your righteousness in Christ Jesus. I wish I knew that long before all of this torment and self condemnation took hold of my life. .I wasn’t saying anything about how God made me righteous through Jesus Christ. . I kept on reminding myself how bad I was except reminding myself how good God is and he by His love will make me just like his Beloved Son.   I started to hate myself feeling so embarrassed about my weaknesses, shortcomings, mistakes I felt like the Holy Spirit was telling me you dare not to mention your wretchness before your holy leaders of the church. You see I was taught in the popular church at the time when you sinned the Holy Spirit reminded you of it and didn’t want you in His presence. He must depart from you and you’ll be without ever hearing or been led by Him until you got yourself right. What a daunting task I thought how would I ever earned my way back into God’s good graces. Self hatred, depression, worthless and feeling unloved started to make their home in my soul and mind. The church taught that the Holy Spirit lets you know how unworthy you are and how such a disgraceful and pitiful sinner you are in His presence.  I was lost and confused felt a distance between me and God. I felt like he loved others more than me. I must be the only person that has this problem and Satan made sure I kept feeling that way. I started idolizing other men and women of God who preached like it wasn’t one sin that they had committed. I felt surely God really loved them and me just a little because I can’t seem to get out my own way. So one night as I lied in bed tears running down my face because I didn’t know if God truly knew I really wanted to love him with all my heart, soul and body so I said to God I won’t bother you no more with my mistakes, bad decisions, temptations, sin, weaknesses I know you tired of me confessing over and over and then doing the same thing over and over. I got up out of bed and venture to watch television as I browse through the channels I came upon this local station not TBN or anything Christian. It was a guy with Asian descent .He started to talk about Jesus Christ and the good news. Then I heard it the most profound statement that freed my soul at the moment of giving completely up on my walk with God.  He said “Grace is personified in Jesus Christ” I dropped the remote I remind you I was stunned from such a simple statement but so profound to a soul in torment like mine.  All my life I never heard that what so ever! He went all to say that you’re in Jesus and he does for you what you can’t do for yourself! The program happened to be about over when I tuned in but the Holy Spirit led me to that channel at 2 am I mind you. The program had a book that Pastor Joseph Prince had wrote called “Destined to Reign” something told me to buy it on the inside of me. I purchased the book the next day as I read it my spirit started to leap for joy, peace settled within me. Condemnation kills says the bible I can attest to it surely does. Not been knowingly to me I was condemning myself of every sin, mistake, temptation that I had failed. You see nobody told me that my salvation was ALL God’s plan and my sanctification is ALL his working too! I was at that time under what they called Law and not Grace. You see the pastors, and leaders always condemned us for whatever we had done wrong. They always told us the PROBLEM not the SOLUTION! Jesus Christ is the solution to every believer struggle, testing, and failing; He is the ALL in ALL!! I unknowingly was told you have a bad root in you and only you could ever get it out. I asked myself now later after much new Grace upon Grace how was I ever supposed to know where and how to do that without Jesus and the leading of the Holy Spirit. I came to realize that God knew all along my struggles and He alone could make me like Himself and not me!! I am writing this so that if any new believers are having trouble and struggling with their shortcomings doesn’t worry just rejoice! Listen to our Savior “These things I have spoke to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world” – John 16:33 NASB. You see fellow brother or sister in Christ God knows your heart. He knows you love him and want to do everything that pertains to Godliness, but you don’t have the power to do it. So that’s why He swore to do it for you. You see if God does all the work God and God only gets all the glory! Grace doesn’t make you want to sin as some may say by no means! It makes you want to utterly destroy every work of sin. It gives you boldness, confidence, joy, happiness, peace, and love that no religion or law could ever give you because Grace= Jesus. So called religious self righteous people feel the need to boast so they point out your flaws with their tainted self righteousness which no one has except in Christ Jesus so they can feel better about themselves. So I pray to God that no son or daughter in Christ have to feel and go through what I went through of self condemnation! My fellow brother or sister in Christ if you missed the mark don’t fret, get up in the power of the Holy Spirit and rejoice that you are the righteous of God in Christ Jesus!! Move forward; find others that will remind you of your righteous and all of God’s goodness toward you!! Don’t isolate yourself as I did with those who are uneducated with the things of God containing no spiritual discernment of any kind. Pray to God to have believers in your life who believes in how much God loves you! Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you are unworthy of God’s LOVE! No…No…No. my friend never!





He Is With Me!! Hallejuah !! I Love Jesus and this Amazing Worship Song and Hillsong. God Bless Everybody. Hope it fills you with joy,peace, love.